Thanks to the trend of current TV advertising I am now fully informed about the function, use and fulfilling qualities of .......panty liners. I know where they go, what they do, and exactly what the problems they can cause. And the ones they solve. I have an in-depth knowledge about the latest state-of-the-art develpments in this field.

I know about suer absorption, trapping liquids inside wafer-thin materials, shaping for comfort, and most of all, I now know that real freedom for a woman isn't a well-paid job, a fantastic guy toahng out with, or loads of money.

It's panty liners!!

Not just run ofthe mill panty liners either. They have to be shaped to fit, super-duper moisture absorbent, not need changing for A-G-E-S and totally invisible under the briefest of briefs.

I now know what today's woman is thinking about when she sits gazing into space with that faraway look, yes, I know the secret of her true desires. It's not MONEY and it's not MEN. It's PANTY LINERS. I know, because the advertisers have shown me with ever increasing frequency and in graphic colour and detail just what it is that's on every woman's mind.

And, I admit, prior to the current wave of panty liner adverts on TV, I was oblivious to this.

Silly me. I thought it was hair spray she really wanted. You know, the sort that separates each individual hair, the kind that gives superb hold and body, restores lost vitality ......